helpmeguideit | you took for granted all those times i never let you down.

A pity. These places, these distant, untouched places were the only places where Erik found anything close to peace. Away from the world, away the constant needs of society, he was at home. He canted his head to peer at Charles, startled by the grip he held on the plate.

"What is it?"

Charles released his grip and let the plate sit flat on his lap. The words caught in the back of his throat, and didn't come out as more than a "I -- " for several moments. It surprised himself how difficult it was for him to explain. "I do not understand what you hope to accomplish by having me stay here."

He paused. He wanted Erik to understand he wasn't afraid of his abilities, although he knew he should be. "I am afraid of you."

Erik blinked slowly at the admission. Try as he might, he couldn't keep his features as carefully neutral. An array of feelings flickered over him, confusion, hurt, anger.

"You're afraid of me?" He repeated in a low, measured tone. "You're afraid of me? After I brought you here, to this place of peace? After I gave you a place to fully rest and recover untouched by the world's cares? After I played nursemaid and waited on you like a servant? You're afraid of me?"

The tone grew as he spoke, both in volume and cadence. The metal fixtures of the cabin, the doorknobs and railings and lead in their windows, rattled and vibrated.

"I am afraid of you," Charles repeated with an equally measured tone. He tried to remain calm when he was with Erik, not show him that he was afraid. "I am grateful for what you have done for me," he said, he didn't want Erik to think that those things had gone unnoticed, however he was quite cut off from everything else. "But I am afraid of you. I think your reason for bringing me here may not be the right one."

The vibration continued a few seconds longer before Erik drew in a deep breath. His eyes narrowed as peered down at Charles in his chair, then he turned to go back into the house.

"Leave the plate when you're done. Good luck surviving out there." Out there, of course, meant exactly what anyone would think. There. Not here. Erik was sure Charles wouldn't even make it to the tree line on his own, let alone down the mountain. Not alone.

Edited 2011-09-20 07:59 (UTC)

Charles didn't - couldn't - say anything to Erik at that moment. He had offended him and learned that this was the result of being honest with him. He wouldn't do it again, that was for certain. Charles didn't actually go anywhere. His fear was much easier to deal with than actually attempting to leave. He already knew better than to make the attempt down the mountain, so he hadn't even tried. It wasn't worth his life.

A pity Charles didn't understand it wasn't his honesty that frustrated Erik. It was the simple fact that he was afraid. Since they'd come here, Erik had done his best to keep his temper in check, to be accommodating. Still, Charles was afraid of him. What, he wondered, had he done to earn that? If Charles said he was angry with him, that Erik would have understood.

Erik didn't leave the house again until morning. It didn't surprise him terribly to find Charles just where he'd left him on the veranda. He sighed deeply, more at himself for leaving Charles out there all night. It was a strange habit, but the first thing Erik did was reached out check for a pulse. Charles' skin was cool from the night air and so little to protect him from it. He breathed out heavily and moved to wheel him inside.

Charles let out a startled breath when Erik touched him and checked for a pulse. He could feel Erik there but decided to not say a word to him. He kept his eyes closed, though he knew that the reaction to the touch would make Erik aware that he was awake. He tried to understand his fears himself, and maybe it was his fear that he wouldn't be able to return home at some point. Part of him believed that he truly was stuck here and it was a prison of sorts.

He waited until they were inside for a moment before he reached out his hand and moved to grip at Erik's sleeve for a moment, fingers wrapped tightly around the material. "It isn't you, exactly."

He froze when Charles spoke. Yes, he'd known the man was awake, but Erik hadn't anticipated him broaching the subject immediately. Pointedly, he didn't pull his arm free of Charles' grasp, but let the hold remain for as long as Charles cared to keep it.

"You're cold," he murmured. "I'll draw a bath and you can explain it to me."

"I'm fine," Charles said as his fingers released Erik's sleeve. But he wouldn't argue or tell Erik it was unnecessary, because he knew it truly would be for the best. A few moments of quiet would allow him to think over the words he would say. He had to let Erik know it wasn't him as much of his reasons for it. He wondered if Erik would be able to let go at any time.

"Let's be sure," he uttered, pushing the chair forward until he reached the stairs. He leant in, enabling Charles to hook an arm around his shoulders, and slide his own arms under his arms and behind his knees. It was an old routine since they'd arrived here and he waited until Charles gave him some signal that he was ready before lifting him from the chair.

There was a stubborn edge to his movement when Charles hooked an arm around Erik's shoulder. "I am fine," he assured again. He didn't feel particularly fine, though so how he actually felt seemed to override any stubbornness.

"You wouldn't know if some animal gnawed on you in the night, Charles," he pointed out. "I said I'd look after you and I plan to do just that."

"No, I wouldn't." Charles eyed his legs warily for a moment and leaned a little against Erik. "You did."

There's a long silence on the way up the stairs as Erik's thoughts coil in and around each other. Once he makes it to the bathroom, he carefully sets Charles down on the toilet and turns to draw the bath. He doesn't plan to do more than Charles absolutely needs, he respected the man's privacy when and where he could despite the situation. As the water poured into the basin, Erik sat up, keeping his back to Charles, and sighed.

"I shouldn't have done that to you."

"What's done is done," Charles said. His tone was rather non-committal on how he felt about the entire situation. He could have easily expressed how he had felt about the entire thing, though he didn't have too many thoughts about it. And at times speaking to Erik was as though he was speaking to a brick wall. He started with his shirt and examined his skin. He would have felt it if an animal had gotten him, but it appeared to be no harm. His skin was slightly red from the temperature changes, but he had expected that.

Erik had done some work in the house to make it easier for Charles and that included the bathroom. Support bars and the like helped to make him as independent as possible. It wasn't Erik's goal for Charles to feel like an invalid. It certainly wouldn't be very comfortable for either of them if Charles couldn't do simple tasks like bathing on his own. As the tub filled, Erik checked the water, ensuring it wasn't too hot. He only filled it halfway so that Charles could adjust it to a temperature of his liking once inside.

"Do you never regret, Charles?"

"If I truly had regrets," Charles pointed out. "I would have had you lead me out of here and home." He tapped a hand to his forehead as he leaned to remove his socks and shoes first. "I believe in living my life so I do not have anything to regret." And while he knew he made some poor choices in his life, he didn't think that he had anything to regret.

"Then you cannot possibly understand..." He mused with a dejected sigh. Erik's was a life built on regret. Regret, guilt, and so many other unsavoury things. Things he didn't care to discuss with anyone. Things he knew a man like Charles could never truly understand.

Still he kept his back turned, allowing Charles some measure of privacy. He would stay only so long as he was needed and leave until he was called again. It was all part of a routine. So he waited, falling into silence, until Charles indicated he was ready to be moved.

Charles removed his sweater next, then worked on the remaining pieces of clothing. "No, I suppose I don't understand." When his bare hand touched his legs, he realized that they were really quite cold. It was good that Erik gave him little choice in this matter.

He was very accustomed to the patterns involved in bathing. "Alright," Charles said, when he was ready to move into the tub.

There was no way he could begin to explain himself to a person who regrets nothing. Erik's life was one built around remorse and guilt; guilt for surviving when so many died, guilt for being unable to protect them, guilt for living. Add onto all that the guilt he felt for what his vengeance had done to Charles. A man with no regrets couldn't possibly understand the need he felt to make that right at all costs. He owed it to Charles to spend the rest of his days looking after the man.

Since he could not articulate those sentiments, Erik simply breathed out a sigh and turned to help Charles up and into the bath. The first few times he'd done this, Erik felt a little awkward, but after a time it became routine. Even still, he was always polite and respectful of Charles' privacy. Erik never stared at his useless legs and was always mindful of his hands when lifting Charles in and out of the bath. Once he was settled in, Erik washed his hands in the sink and towelled them dry, all the while wondering how much effort it would take to remodel the bathroom so Charles would use it independently.

"If you want to talk, I'll be just outside."

Once in the warm water, he almost immediately relaxed. It was those nice moments alone where he could think and be assured that Erik wouldn't come walking in. He did respect Charles' privacy, at the very least. He cleaned himself a little, checking himself more thoroughly for any cuts or bruises that he wouldn't have felt. His skin became a shade of red that he expected because of the rapid changes in temperatures.

He didn't decide to talk to Erik, really, figuring it would be best for both of them if he didn't. Once he was sure he was clean, he decided, then, to call for Erik. Not that he particularly enjoyed having to request constant help, but he needed it right now. Some activities just weren't as well suited to someone who was in a wheelchair to do independently (certainly getting in and out of a bathtub was one of them). "Erik," he said. It wasn't a shout, but it was loud enough for him to hear outside of the door.

As promised, he waited outside, just in case Charles either needed him or wanted to chat. It didn't surprise him in the least that Charles said nothing throughout. Few words were ever exchanged between them and, to his great dismay, Erik saw the gap between them growing wider with the continued silence. when called, Erik returned to the bathroom. Normally, he'd keep his gaze fixed above Charles' head, but since he'd been left out all night, Erik swept his eyes quickly over the man to look for any injury. Surely Charles had checked as well, but it if anything happened, it would be on Erik's conscience.

Back to the routine. Erik reached in to unstopper the bath and let the water drain. next, he laid a large towel across the toilet seat and used another to wrap around Charles' upper body and hoist him out of the tub. Charles was then settled onto the toilet once more and, though he was likely capable of continuing on his own form there, Erik took the time to towel him dry, paying specific attention to his legs. They both knew he was really looking for nay bumps, bites, or bruises Charles' may have missed.

"I'm fine," Charles assured. Not that he could feel Erik's hands on his legs. He watched him carefully. Noting if he had spotted any bumps, bruises, or bite marks. He sighed deeply. "I checked already. There's nothing to feel guilty of." The least he could let Erik know is that he was fine. It didn't even bother him. Charles knew he should have expected it.

"And even if I had been hurt, it wouldn't be your fault." Erik was in no way responsible for the words that came out of Charles' mouth. He was not the one to blame when Charles decided it would be wise, for an unknown reason, to share his feelings with Erik.

"I'm the one who left you out there," Erik mused, finally satisfied that there were know overlooked injuries. He handed Charles a robe as they hadn't brought in clean clothes and Erik wasn't about to carry Charles naked to his room. After a long moment, wherein Erik turned away, he finally asked, "How is your upper body strength? I'm considering some modifications to this bathroom so you could do everything you need to on your own."

Charles put the robe on when Erik turned away. He shifted a little bit where he sat and looked up towards him. The independence would be nice. Charles felt like it had been awhile since he even had independence. "I think I could do everything on my own..." he watched Erik carefully for a moment.

The words brought a subtle, but pleased nod. "I'll look into it promptly," he stated. "It might take a bit of time to complete. Until then, you'll have time to prepare." Erik had been thorough even in his hasty preparations for the place. He'd bought weights for Charles to use as well as a host of other things the doctors and physical therapists had suggested to help with the man's transition.

Charles knew that he should have been working on his arms, and he had been more and more as time passed. At first, it was hard to convince himself to want to do it (or that he desperately needed to do it). He still frequently struggled, but now, knowing that he would be granted more freedoms motivated him. He almost hesitated to say this, but he decided that it might help ease some of the feelings in the air that he could feel, "Thank you."

A ghost of a smile dared to touch his lips at those words. It was almost a relief to hear something rather then be met with the silence that was so often between them.

"I think we're done in here. I'll let you get dressed while I make something to eat. You must be hungry." As he spoke, Erik offered a hand he help pull Charles up. It didn't sit well with him just scooping the man up and carrying him about without some sign from Charles that he was ready to be moved back to his chair.

Charles took Erik's hand. He nodded to show that he understood. Those moments that Erik gave him to show his independence made a difference in Charles' time here. He took those time to think, listen for others, understand what was outside of here. He was getting better with his telepathy, and hoped at some point to reach the people in the nearby towns. "Food would be," he paused for a moment, "good."

He leant in to let Charles get his free arm around his shoulders and then proceeded to lift him. Erik always carried him carefully, with an arm across his shoulders and one under his knees. It was only a few paces, but the confined space of the bathroom and then the door frame posed the most difficulty. Because Charles was unable to feel any bumps or bruises, Erik had to be cautious in moving him through the space. Despite plenty of practise, he always treated moving Charles as if it was his first time doing so.

Once He settled Charles in the chair, he stepped back and gave the man a nod. "Would you like to eat in your room? I can bring something up if you'd like to stay up here." It wasn't a command or a threat, but rather an invitation for Charles to choose. It wasn't something Erik often gave, though he was clearly feeling guilty for leaving Charles outside all night.

"I'll eat with you." It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the choice, but he just preferred the choice that would make things easier for him. There was still an overlying fear in him. Not only did he find that it was the proper choice to make, but it was quite quiet when he was on his own. Charles was accustomed to people, even if he wasn't interacting with them, but he had once promised Erik he would stay out of his mind and had kept it.

you took for granted all those times i never let you down.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject