helpmeguideit | Continuing on.

[He couldn't suppress the waves of guilt crashing violently on the shores of his mind as Charles came into view. That was his work. That was how he'd left Charles those many months ago on the beach where they'd parted. Erik knew of Charles' condition. Emma gleaned as much from the minds of those nearest him and flaunted it, to Erik's unending ire.

Erik tipped his hat in polite greeting and waited until Charles was closer to take a seat on the bench. It seemed almost rude to remain standing, towering over Charles in his wheelchair. The moment was bittersweet. He'd longed to see his one, true friend once more, but guilt and ideological differences held him back. Knowing that Charles wanted to see him, letting Charles initiate this assuaged his sense of weakness for holding onto that hope.]

Charles.

[ Charles moved his chair across from Erik at the bench. His smile was slightly sad, and he was tired, but pleased. And maybe just a bit happy. No one would have wanted him to be there, but he couldn't help but take the chance when it arose. ]

You look well, Erik.

[Erik swallowed hard. Without the protection of his helmet, he felt so horribly exposed. He shrugged gently and looked as a spot just beyond Charles. It was so hard to look at him, at the reminder of what Erik had done to him. A lifelong reminder...]

How are the kids?

They're angry.

[ After all those moments of honesty shared between them, Charles wasn't about to protect Erik from any truth. He felt closer without the helmet. It was really what he had been looking for. That bond he had with Erik wasn't the same he had with any others. Erik was his equal; not someone to teach. ]

And Raven?

[He expected as much. Erik hadn't been nearly as close to those kids as Charles was, but he knew they must feel betrayed by him. It made sense they would be angry at him for what he did to Charles. Erik nodded in slow acceptance of the answer.]

Raven is well. She's training diligently, studying too. She misses you, though. She would never say it to me, but I can see it in her eyes.

She never will. It is how Raven is.

[ Charles knew her well enough, despite missing so many things about her. He was happy she was fine. She was so near and dear to him, that it was important that she was happy. ]

I'm glad to hear though. And yourself, Erik?

[Erik swallowed hard. Even now after all they'd been through it was difficult for him to be open. Perhaps it was because he was working so hard to be closed off to his new companions. He missed Charles and the others, just as Raven did. Perhaps it was that bond that endeared her to greatly to him. She was a safe harbour in a sea of uncertainty.]

I've been better, if I'm to be honest.

You've got no reason to not be honest, do you?

[ Charles still felt they were friends, equals, even. Even if there was a rift between them that would need to be overcome before they could be side by side. ]

No, I haven't.

[Erik bowed his head, suddenly grateful for the brim of the hat obscuring his face. His brows drew together in an outward expression of the worry he'd kept within since he last saw Charles.]

Emma told me about your... condition. I'd be lying if I said it didn't haunt me. I am so very sorry, Charles.

If I say that I've forgiven you, would you be able to forgive yourself?

[ Charles looked as if he was still trying to meet Erik's eyes, despite the hat that was blocking his view. He was honestly curious, though. He had forgiven Erik, but -- he wasn't exactly someone who let go of things easily. ]

[He drew in a long breath at the sound of the words. Erik's greatest fear in the last month was that Charles would never forgive him, would hate him for what he'd done. Were their places reversed, Erik wasn't sure he'd be able to let it go. Charles was so forgiving, though. At length, he caught Charles' eyes and gave a muted shake of his head.]

I believe, my friend, that you have it in you to forgive das Führer himself. I am not like you.

That's different. You have done more than enough to earn a place for me that would get you my forgiveness. It isn't like I'm just handing it to you.

[ Although he knew it certainly looked like, he did know Erik very well, but knowing didn't always equate to understanding. He wanted Erik to forgive himself, but he wasn't sure how to lead him that way. ]

You should forgive yourself.

In time, perhaps.

[It was highly unlikely. Guilt should be with him, blame. It only seemed right that he, too, should suffer from what he himself had done to Charles. It would be with him until his dying day and Erik very highly doubted he'd ever forgive himself for it.]

Surely, you didn't ask me here to lecture me on my principles and morals.

Time is all I ask for.

[ Charles wasn't about to let the fact that he was hurt - tired, by everything show through. He was happy that he had gotten through to Erik. ]

I miss you, my friend. I wanted to tell you that you always have a place at home.

[Erik lifted a single brow. Partly in disbelief, partly in pure curiosity. Home. That had a nice sound to it. It's true, Charles' home in Westchester, the few short months he'd spent there with the others was the only place he'd ever felt at home since childhood. A part of him wanted to leap at the idea, to go home. A bemused look came over his features and he turned his gaze to Charles.]

I somehow doubt your children would agree.

They usually do disagree with me.

[ Charles has noticed it more often now than they used to. Usually it was strictly out of concern. He wasn't fragile, he could read minds, and while he didn't understand Erik always, he knew him. ]

They are usually just worried.

Is it so bad for others to worry for you, Charles? All things considered?

I don't need anyone to worry about me. I'd prefer them not to. They have their own lives to attend to.

Others will worry for you, Charles, because they care for you. Even I still worry for you.

[ Charles pauses, and considers those words. ]

They usually worry because they think of me as an invalid.

And before?

It was different. It felt different.

They're not wrong to worry, Charles. It isn't an evil.

They don't do as well in what I teach them when they worry.

[ He knows Erik is right. It isn't bad - just bothersome. He wasn't used to be surrounded by people when his demands for attention hadn't caused it. ]

I just want things to be as they were.

Edited 2011-07-19 10:30 (UTC)

[Erik lowered his head in shame. He knew Charles wasn't accusing him of anything, but he couldn't help but feel the sting of guilt at his words.]

I would give anything to change what happened, Charles.

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